Odata cu trecerea timpului petrecut pe meleagurile nisipoase am observat ca mi-e din ce in ce mai greu sa-mi stapanesc obsesiile, gandurile, parerile. Asta n-ar fi chiar atat de rau daca ar fi cineva acolo sa ti le asculte.

Numai ca, in partea asta de lume, e o chestie de "It's not my business". Orice petec de conversatie se limiteaza la "How was your weekend?" si dupa aia - "I understand".

Nu mai avem placere in a ne asculta unul pe celalalt. Singuri in suflet si indiferenti pe dinafara, ne petrecem zilele trebaluind la calculatoare, cu sprincenele carlig, savurandu-ne cafelele una dupa alta... si tot asa.

Se duce dracului specia omeneasca.

Ceea ce trebuia sa se intample, s-a intamplat. Dar cum era eu sa-i explic ce-i ala "teasc"?.. Si cum ii justific ca daca nu-mi simte resortul launtric, la ce bun sa-i mai zic "hello"?

El nu ma mai desfata demult, dar parca tot m-ai ravneam la acel vant sec de ianuarie ce ne lovea peste crestete in timp ce osteneam pe faleza Manamei...

In that after-storm commemoration of silence… the things that ever really mattered will be rising still… among all the ruins, the flesh and blood.

Shall I tell that you were right about my egomaniac way of being and my many to come spasmodic nights?

“What they don’t understand about birthdays and what they never tell you is that when you’re eleven, you’re also ten, and nine, and eight, and seven, and six, and five, and four, and three, and two, and one. And when you wake up on your eleventh birthday you expect to feel eleven, but you don’t. You open your eyes and everything’s just like yesterday, only it’s today. And you don’t feel eleven at all. You feel like you’re still ten. And you are—underneath the year that makes you eleven.

Like some days you might say something stupid, and that’s the part of you that’s still ten. Or maybe some days you might need to sit on your mama’s lap because you’re scared, and that’s the part of you that’s five. And maybe one day when you’re all grown up maybe you will need to cry like if you’re three, and that’s okay.

That’s what I tell Mama when she’s sad and needs to cry. Maybe she’s feeling three.Because the way you grow old is kind of like an onion or like the rings inside a tree trunk or like my little wooden dolls that fit one inside the other, each year inside the next one. That’s how being eleven years old is.”

Sandra Cisneros, Eleven

Note to Self: Since When 15 is Wrong?

Мне не спится, нет огня;

Всюду мрак и сон докучный.

Ход часов лишь однозвучный

Раздается близ меня,

Парки бабье лепетанье,

Спящей ночи трепетанье,

Жизни мышья беготня...

Что тревожишь ты меня?

Что ты значишь, скучный шепот?

Укоризна, или ропот

Мной утраченного дня?

От меня чего ты хочешь?

Ты зовешь или пророчишь?

Я понять тебя хочу,

Смысла я в тебе ищу.

Алекса́ндр Серге́евич Пу́шкин

Dar Unde Dragoste Nu E, Nimic Nu E

gheorghe gheorghiu - dar unde dragoste nu e nimic nu e
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After 1 Week Spent at Home

“There was a time when the world was enormous, spanning the vast, almost infinite boundaries of your neighborhood – the place where you grew up, where you didn’t think twice about playing on someone else’s lawn … and the street was your territory that occasionally got invaded by a passing car. It was where you didn’t get called home until after it was dark. And all the people, and all the houses that surrounded you were as familiar as the things in your own room. And you knew they would never change.”

Daniel Stern, The Wonder Years

you can't do much...

.... you can’t control when you lose your mind.... the only thing you can do is to trust me.... that in those moments... I will be able to hold your heart... till the storm will pass away...

End

... packed my pain and waved good bye...

74

... and one more time, I found myself orphan of true principles.

Asteptand Timpul Sa Treaca

Si-n ziua cand va fi sa vii
Ce-ar mai putea sa se intample
Voi rade mult la tine-n tample
Voi plange-ncet cand nu vei sti
In ziua cand va fi sa viï...

Adica?...

Conclusion at 6AM [after 30 mins of treadmill] - repression knows well how to fool me. It is my "interior" that I need to investigate. Period.

My Botched Pleasure

He has no principles, he has no innerness, he slides along and records sensations. I.K.
Mettalic in his objectivity, he abolishes all my emotions. Yet, I love that incongruous togetherness.

Tagged as "Home"

When you spend a whole Friday afternoon in the kitchen cooking for your girlfriends, watching movies, having random conversations about new aba3ya fashion, laughing and sharing about the inside tricks of the culture... you capture a moment for yourself... and you know, you so know... that Bahrain is MORE than "an international working experience" now.

Si pentru toti dusmanii aeroportuari... Mi-am luat si resedinta pana la mijlocul lui 2011!!! Si sa cante Buble, ca-i zice bine...

E Bine Asa

E incredibil cata liniste mi s-a strecurat in suflet de cand am schimbat job/c-ul. Nu cred ca o sa imi fie foarte dor prea curand de tumultul AIESECului. A fost ceva - ce a ajuns si, de curand, un fel de joc al mintii pe care, pur si simplu, il descifram prea usor. Ramaneam inhibata si convinsa ca, de aici incolo, vor trebui altii inghiontiti, ca sa inteleaga.

De fapt, am ajuns la concluzia ca nu ar fi fost moment mai potrivit sa parasesc organizatia decat acesta. Experienta in Bahrain mi-a dat peste nas cu propriile-mi principii, obiceiuri si credinte, asemeni unui profesor comunist, ce nu se stinghereste sa iti snopeasca cate una. Asa, ca vrea el. [Mama ei de vize, rasisme si ministere...]

Si e bine asa. Ca mie nu-mi place sa imi fie dor de vremuri. Dar o sa-mi fie. Ca sunt alte o mie de motive. Si iar zic ca e bine asa. Ca atunci cand o sa-mi fie dor de'a binelea, vor fi alte jocuri ale mintii sa ma tina ocupata.

Intro to UNIDO

Daca acum un an doar visam, acum 3 luni aplicam si nu m-acceptau, azi ma intorc acasa de la sediul Natiunilor Unite, din Bahrain.
Si...
.... sa fiu eu, m-au angajat!

"Shi cand plecati acasa, va rog sa nu uitati, sa puniti cheili sub chetrishica."

My Heart Won't Buy It

I was about to write that today I got officially discharged from my role of President of AIESEC Bahrain and in the same time, from a 5 years journey with the largest student run leadership development organisation in the world, called AIESEC.

But it's not this simple.

I heart Manama's Sleepless Nights

They might call it ME time. To me are moments with Perry Como and moments of programmed solitude for heart dissolution.

Maybe it’s just a truthful peace that I lack during the day time and night turns out to be a suitable guardian. Maybe it’s only my stillness which replaces the commotion of my heart.
Hearts are fragile items that we get by default, but which are not provided with the settings to abide all sort of outsiders. You've got to be kind.

That’s why I’ve got sleepless nights – to keep time still, watching Manama’s empty streets and to hold my breath till that beatific silence falls upon me…
… in programmed solitude my heart regenerates.

Twist of Fate

When life gives you something, it takes away something else. And someone like me barely can accept this law. Someone like me can barely accept any laws. I've always been a silent warrior, who won't ask for it straight, but will demand it in my own hundred-ways.

Now that I have what I wanted, it seems just... incomplete. I feel that what I care and love the most is too geographically scattered.

Right On Time

What a good song without you. ... adica... prietene, fereste-te de femeia pe care ai ignorat-o.
Never mind, sa fie pentru toata lumea "care sufereste" OAR and Shattered.