A Time To File

2010-02-09T22:24:00.001+03:00

“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, & sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together”

2009-12-18T23:16:00.001+03:00

A la vie a l'amour
A nos nuits, a nos jours
A l'eternel retours de la chance
A l'enfant qui viendrat
qui nous ressemblera
qui sera a la fois toi et moi

A nous
aux souvenirs que nous allons nous faire
A l'avenir et au present surtout
A la sante de cette vielle terre
qui s'en fout

A nous
A nos espoirs et a nos illusions
A notre prochain premier rendez-vous
A la sante de ces milliers d'amoureux
Qui sont comme nous

A la vie a l'amour
A nos nuits, a nos jours
A l'eternel retours de la chance
A l'enfant qui viendrat
qui nous ressemblera
qui sera a la fois toi et moi

2009-12-15T14:59:00.000+03:00

"Si c’est ici le meilleur des mondes possibles, que sont donc les autres?"

Candide, by Voltaire

photo source: Ghadeer'ovich :)

2009-12-15T14:44:00.003+03:00

I don’t believe in the cookie cutter. But some of them do. And this is who they are and this is who I am.

... and if they didn’t make it to the core, it’s ok, they’re not disqualified. They made it to the shell and sometimes, that's even more important than the core itself. It’s where the boundaries are established; it’s where the fight takes place, and where reactions happen.

...and that's what life is about.

At the end of the day, we’re all puppets with broken hearts.

2009-12-13T20:09:00.001+03:00

Si m-a trasnit cand am intrat pe blogul Andreei...

"If you're already walking on thin ice, why not dance?"

Asta'a vrut omu' sa zica.

2009-12-10T13:06:00.002+03:00

I knew I can't tell him how to eat his chips, but hey, a bit of cooperation, por favor, so we can make it through the night. Anyhow, no band-aid needed anymore. Now I am cured... Maybe I am reasonably happy too.

But it's so much dullness around... and patterns wear me out. Ah! can't we die temporarily? I bet my life will be more interesting.

[sigh] Until then... I will be mine.

2009-12-09T23:17:00.000+03:00

"Bridget: Wait a minute... nice boys don't kiss like that.
Mark Darcy: Oh, yes, they fucking do."

What the hell do I do?

2009-12-08T11:48:00.003+03:00

I should get my driving license so I can listen to Bruce Springsteen's new album while driving on my way back from work.

It's in the Wishlist for this Christmas.

2009-12-07T19:59:00.002+03:00

Someone told me long ago there's a calm before the storm
I know; its been comin' for some time
When it's over, so they say, it'll rain a sunny day,
I know; shinin' down like water.

I want to know, have you ever seen the rain?
I want to know, have you ever seen the rain
Comin' down on a sunny day?

Yesterday, and days before, sun is cold and rain is hard
I know; been that way for all my time
'til forever, on it goes through the circle, fast and slow
I know; it can't stop, I wonder.

"Have You Ever Seen The Rain?" by Creedence Clearwater Revival

2009-12-06T21:07:00.002+03:00

I'm grateful for EVERYTHING I've got. Now... my only wish is to KEEP it.

2009-12-06T01:40:00.000+03:00

“Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free til they find someone just as wild to run with them."

2009-11-30T00:12:00.004+03:00

... mai tii minte cand mi-ai zis ca lumea a uitat sa taca? Mai tii.
De-ar fi unicul lucru despre care ai avut dreptate...

Nu se poate ca in suflet de om sa domneasca atata tacere si atata strigat in acelasi timp. Nu tine.
Nu in suflet de om.

2009-11-22T12:11:00.001+03:00

Odata cu trecerea timpului petrecut pe meleagurile nisipoase am observat ca mi-e din ce in ce mai greu sa-mi stapanesc obsesiile, gandurile, parerile. Asta n-ar fi chiar atat de rau daca ar fi cineva acolo sa ti le asculte.

Numai ca, in partea asta de lume, e o chestie de "It's not my business". Orice petec de conversatie se limiteaza la "How was your weekend?" si dupa aia - "I understand".

Nu mai avem placere in a ne asculta unul pe celalalt. Singuri in suflet si indiferenti pe dinafara, ne petrecem zilele trebaluind la calculatoare, cu sprincenele carlig, savurandu-ne cafelele una dupa alta... si tot asa.

Se duce dracului specia omeneasca.

2009-11-21T19:01:00.002+03:00

Ceea ce trebuia sa se intample, s-a intamplat. Dar cum era eu sa-i explic ce-i ala "teasc"?.. Si cum ii justific ca daca nu-mi simte resortul launtric, la ce bun sa-i mai zic "hello"?

El nu ma mai desfata demult, dar parca tot m-ai ravneam la acel vant sec de ianuarie ce ne lovea peste crestete in timp ce osteneam pe faleza Manamei...

2009-11-20T23:20:00.003+03:00

In that after-storm commemoration of silence… the things that ever really mattered will be rising still… among all the ruins, the flesh and blood.

Shall I tell that you were right about my egomaniac way of being and my many to come spasmodic nights?

2009-11-18T13:25:00.001+03:00

“What they don’t understand about birthdays and what they never tell you is that when you’re eleven, you’re also ten, and nine, and eight, and seven, and six, and five, and four, and three, and two, and one. And when you wake up on your eleventh birthday you expect to feel eleven, but you don’t. You open your eyes and everything’s just like yesterday, only it’s today. And you don’t feel eleven at all. You feel like you’re still ten. And you are—underneath the year that makes you eleven.

Like some days you might say something stupid, and that’s the part of you that’s still ten. Or maybe some days you might need to sit on your mama’s lap because you’re scared, and that’s the part of you that’s five. And maybe one day when you’re all grown up maybe you will need to cry like if you’re three, and that’s okay.

That’s what I tell Mama when she’s sad and needs to cry. Maybe she’s feeling three.Because the way you grow old is kind of like an onion or like the rings inside a tree trunk or like my little wooden dolls that fit one inside the other, each year inside the next one. That’s how being eleven years old is.”

Sandra Cisneros, Eleven

Note to Self: Since When 15 is Wrong?

2009-11-17T11:22:00.000+03:00

Мне не спится, нет огня;

Всюду мрак и сон докучный.

Ход часов лишь однозвучный

Раздается близ меня,

Парки бабье лепетанье,

Спящей ночи трепетанье,

Жизни мышья беготня...

Что тревожишь ты меня?

Что ты значишь, скучный шепот?

Укоризна, или ропот

Мной утраченного дня?

От меня чего ты хочешь?

Ты зовешь или пророчишь?

Я понять тебя хочу,

Смысла я в тебе ищу.

Алекса́ндр Серге́евич Пу́шкин

Dar Unde Dragoste Nu E, Nimic Nu E

2009-11-13T12:29:00.001+03:00

gheorghe gheorghiu - dar unde dragoste nu e nimic nu e
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After 1 Week Spent at Home

2009-11-10T12:54:00.000+03:00

“There was a time when the world was enormous, spanning the vast, almost infinite boundaries of your neighborhood – the place where you grew up, where you didn’t think twice about playing on someone else’s lawn … and the street was your territory that occasionally got invaded by a passing car. It was where you didn’t get called home until after it was dark. And all the people, and all the houses that surrounded you were as familiar as the things in your own room. And you knew they would never change.”

Daniel Stern, The Wonder Years

2009-11-04T09:54:00.002+03:00

you can't do much...

.... you can’t control when you lose your mind.... the only thing you can do is to trust me.... that in those moments... I will be able to hold your heart... till the storm will pass away...

End

2009-10-14T02:17:00.000+03:00

... packed my pain and waved good bye...

74

2009-08-22T21:45:00.002+03:00

... and one more time, I found myself orphan of true principles.

Asteptand Timpul Sa Treaca

2009-08-21T12:43:00.000+03:00

Si-n ziua cand va fi sa vii
Ce-ar mai putea sa se intample
Voi rade mult la tine-n tample
Voi plange-ncet cand nu vei sti
In ziua cand va fi sa viï...

Adica?...

2009-08-12T09:38:00.003+03:00

Conclusion at 6AM [after 30 mins of treadmill] - repression knows well how to fool me. It is my "interior" that I need to investigate. Period.

My Botched Pleasure

2009-08-09T21:24:00.003+03:00

He has no principles, he has no innerness, he slides along and records sensations. I.K.
Mettalic in his objectivity, he abolishes all my emotions. Yet, I love that incongruous togetherness.

Tagged as "Home"

2009-08-07T19:41:00.005+03:00

When you spend a whole Friday afternoon in the kitchen cooking for your girlfriends, watching movies, having random conversations about new aba3ya fashion, laughing and sharing about the inside tricks of the culture... you capture a moment for yourself... and you know, you so know... that Bahrain is MORE than "an international working experience" now.

Si pentru toti dusmanii aeroportuari... Mi-am luat si resedinta pana la mijlocul lui 2011!!! Si sa cante Buble, ca-i zice bine...

E Bine Asa

2009-07-21T18:45:00.001+03:00

E incredibil cata liniste mi s-a strecurat in suflet de cand am schimbat job/c-ul. Nu cred ca o sa imi fie foarte dor prea curand de tumultul AIESECului. A fost ceva - ce a ajuns si, de curand, un fel de joc al mintii pe care, pur si simplu, il descifram prea usor. Ramaneam inhibata si convinsa ca, de aici incolo, vor trebui altii inghiontiti, ca sa inteleaga.

De fapt, am ajuns la concluzia ca nu ar fi fost moment mai potrivit sa parasesc organizatia decat acesta. Experienta in Bahrain mi-a dat peste nas cu propriile-mi principii, obiceiuri si credinte, asemeni unui profesor comunist, ce nu se stinghereste sa iti snopeasca cate una. Asa, ca vrea el. [Mama ei de vize, rasisme si ministere...]

Si e bine asa. Ca mie nu-mi place sa imi fie dor de vremuri. Dar o sa-mi fie. Ca sunt alte o mie de motive. Si iar zic ca e bine asa. Ca atunci cand o sa-mi fie dor de'a binelea, vor fi alte jocuri ale mintii sa ma tina ocupata.

Intro to UNIDO

2009-07-19T20:43:00.004+03:00

Daca acum un an doar visam, acum 3 luni aplicam si nu m-acceptau, azi ma intorc acasa de la sediul Natiunilor Unite, din Bahrain.
Si...
.... sa fiu eu, m-au angajat!

"Shi cand plecati acasa, va rog sa nu uitati, sa puniti cheili sub chetrishica."

My Heart Won't Buy It

2009-07-18T22:37:00.004+03:00

I was about to write that today I got officially discharged from my role of President of AIESEC Bahrain and in the same time, from a 5 years journey with the largest student run leadership development organisation in the world, called AIESEC.

But it's not this simple.

I heart Manama's Sleepless Nights

2009-07-17T09:35:00.003+03:00

They might call it ME time. To me are moments with Perry Como and moments of programmed solitude for heart dissolution.

Maybe it’s just a truthful peace that I lack during the day time and night turns out to be a suitable guardian. Maybe it’s only my stillness which replaces the commotion of my heart.
Hearts are fragile items that we get by default, but which are not provided with the settings to abide all sort of outsiders. You've got to be kind.

That’s why I’ve got sleepless nights – to keep time still, watching Manama’s empty streets and to hold my breath till that beatific silence falls upon me…
… in programmed solitude my heart regenerates.

Twist of Fate

2009-07-09T09:50:00.004+03:00

When life gives you something, it takes away something else. And someone like me barely can accept this law. Someone like me can barely accept any laws. I've always been a silent warrior, who won't ask for it straight, but will demand it in my own hundred-ways.

Now that I have what I wanted, it seems just... incomplete. I feel that what I care and love the most is too geographically scattered.

Right On Time

2009-07-07T14:42:00.003+03:00

What a good song without you. ... adica... prietene, fereste-te de femeia pe care ai ignorat-o.
Never mind, sa fie pentru toata lumea "care sufereste" OAR and Shattered.

Not Found

2009-07-06T11:07:00.004+03:00

1: 02 AM Tangled up in sheets. Again I cannot sleep.
2:32 AM Roaming in my room with a heavy head, watching the streets and the full moon from a dusty balcony.

Again looking for something that isn't there. One more SWOT analysis and I can postpone my thoughts for later.

Ah, ah, ah ... that serenity! Give me a pick up, a paper cup coffee and a still city in the morning.

Travis Closer
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Cuvinte

2009-07-06T02:28:00.004+03:00

Uneori cuvintele sunt mai mari ca noi, atat de mari incat nu poti sa le faci nimic. Nici macar nimic. Daca vrei - accepta-le, dar nu le crede. Totul e o interpretare. Totul e o randuiala a mintii. Cuvintele te cuprind sau te sufoca, iti ridica sufletul la cer sau ti-l impietresc in gheata.

In noaptea aceasta cateva zeci de mii de cuvinte au fost prea putine si totusi, prea multe. In noaptea aceasta cateva zeci de mii de cuvinte au distrus 3 ani... de tot.

Ignorance Effect ++

2009-07-05T22:32:00.002+03:00

Some people want to be slapped badly to get a point or two or five. One of those people is me. When all those signs lead me to one thing, then what on earth is there telling me otherwise?

"Pluteste drept inainte si daca pamantul pe care il cauti nu exista inca, fii sigur ca Dumnezeu il va crea intr-adins pentru a-ti rasplati indrazneala."

Marin Preda

If the end is ahead, then I want to go back...

Now That I know Your Why. I Want to Know Mine.

2009-07-02T23:22:00.005+03:00

La Multi Ani, mamico!

2009-06-30T16:08:00.001+03:00

Every time I leave Moldova taken by the iron bird up, up to that simulation of heaven, I secretly spread few drops of my heart on the white blanket of clouds … as a present for my mom.

On the top of the earth, grasping revelations of how delicate life is and how insanely audacious her child is, I keep diving into the white ocean of fragility, trusting that angels will carry her hopes and prayers…

And for her, I beg the Minute to be longer...

La Multi Ani, mamico!

Today Doga’s music is made of pieces of celestial symphonies and my mom’s life of 46 years, full of the wisdom of a daughter, woman, wife and mother.

AHA moment

2009-06-29T07:31:00.002+03:00

I realized why and why not - because I cannot really love anybody without whom I almost never laugh.

PS. I have two weeks for a Present. What's next will know later.

Counting Down

2009-06-24T19:36:00.001+03:00

National Strategic Conference is one day ahead. Sessions to prepare, speeches to deliver and time to enjoy... My AIESEC journey comes to an end. I'm so going to miss all of this... 2 weeks left till the Grand Final.

In Belong to The Lucky Ones

2009-06-21T23:22:00.004+03:00

It's good to be back in Bahrain. When I was in Moldova, I had the feeling that I will never see again Manama by night from the Hidd bridge (view which will ALWAYS bring back good memories). It has that je ne sais quoi when driving on my way back home after a looong tiring day at the office. I also realized that I have the most awesomistic team, which I m going to miss a lot...

The heat is taking over the island and it ads up to the difficult times of mine, but I'm grateful for how things turn out, for some weird reason. I feel OK inside and I still have faith and strength to believe. Somehow I'm not shocked. I still believe I belong to the lucky ones.

"If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day."
E.B. White

Hero or a Stupid Person? What am I?

2009-06-19T19:30:00.000+03:00

After a long transition day, I concluded...

My Plan is No Plan

2009-06-18T14:32:00.005+03:00

I convinced myself once again that life has to be faced without a plan and deadlines. Just go out there and live it. Wipe your hands, shake the shit off... and whatever happens - happens. [There is no way, but... the end.. anyway].
...and for God's sake - do not recite poetry to one who is not a poet.

U2 - If God will send his angels
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Pour Moi, cu dedicatie

2009-06-17T23:54:00.003+03:00

Moldova Snapshots

2009-06-16T11:21:00.000+03:00

One Year Lesson

2009-06-07T23:40:00.001+03:00

"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be."

Shel Silverstein

BIA without a Blanket

2009-06-07T01:05:00.005+03:00

"There comes a time in life, when you have to let go of all the pointless drama and the people who create it and surround yourself with people who make you laugh."

That's why for lack of focus I have Friends bloopers, Gheorghi Urschi and a youtube account. (a WTF technique!) For bitter truths I have a crew (somehow by default) who waits for me on the other side of the counter. Dutifully mine.

- I'm immature and impatient. It didnt work.
- Be...
- Eeei Because.. Because the number 11 isn't pronounced onety one.

Here Comes the Sun

2009-06-01T07:32:00.002+03:00

The wall I hang my thoughts on. The blanket I wrap my restlessness in. The clock I measure my strength with. Let’s say it’s going to work. 1st of June.

Here comes the sun - Beatles
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Reality I Waste My Time On

2009-05-30T11:16:00.003+03:00

Breeze and water drops mingling in my hair - Amuaj Islands trip by boat -Watching Flemings on the shore - Momente de cucoana si de spa la Ritz - Driving in Juffair in the middle of the night - Spring of Cultures festival with friends - Spanish music at the Arad Fort - 20 mins cu fite la Televizor - Collide with Nada - Infinity with Rehman - Hours of flights over deserts and waters - Just Like Heaven, The Cure on the top of the roof - Saggesse vs Riady (Arab world cup basketball finals)- Watermelon for breakfast at 6 AM - Big Bang Orchestra and patriotic goose bumps - Cedars and mountains car trip - IRINA - Esperanza Fernandez flamenco live concert - Igor Cobileanski (Moldovan movie director) - Bought 2 books by D.Goleman, one by B.Russell and one by C.Dickens - Red 7 more - Made Letzu shade a tear...

Overlook the fact that I got no VISA yet, that I have no job secured after AIESEC, that I lost my iPod, that I got into a car accident, that I rent a house I don't live in and… that the music is no good without you.

This too will pass.

It's not Like Flipping Coins

2009-05-29T13:57:00.003+03:00

One month. One month of hungry expectations, of Want’s and Must’s, of Let’s Make it Happen. Today I got an e-mail… sort of “nu grai mult sh-ai sa canti.”

Managing a team that should deliver 2 events, dealing with hundreds of students and top companies, a strategic conference ahead…

And that’s when I realize once again how fragile AIESEC is. For a global organization with over 60 years of experience, with over 36,000 members and high caliber companies as partners, any outsiders will tend to believe that we’re smart enough to take care of our members.

Expansion countries are fragile and I can tell from my two years of experience. You never know who is going to take care of u. The love supply from members, the inner drive and personal ambitions can easily fade during such moments. Sometimes it’s just not enough.

How many times did we, actually, brought to the table during our global summits the VISA issue for our internationals MCs? With the same strength we manage to bring under one roof young people of 100 nationalities in Turkey, Brazil or Malaysia, we should be able to simple do-something for ensuring BASIC safety for our volunteers that working abroad.

I’m responsible for my choices and I was mentally prepared to take it all, with… whatever. But, as an organization, we’re on our half way through - there are almost 90 more countries to go. Too many stories. Isn’t the right time to reflect, conclude and improve?

*AIESEC is the international youth leadership development organization giving young people opportunities to develop their professional skills by running the management functions of the organization. (www.aiesec.org)

... and I say this because...

Since 4 years, I’m awarding myself with opportunities thus, at the age of 24, I've been to more than 10 countries, visited 4 continents, making friends all over the world - building a huge network of people that have similar passions, interests and people that want to make difference in their own life and the lives of others.

For the past two years, AIESEC has given me the chance to work in a multicultural team managing one of the most prominent youth organizations. Last year I have been working in Central Asia, opening a new AIESEC chapter in Kyrgyzstan. On a daily basis, my work in a diverse environment required strong work ethics and ability to promptly adapt to various cultural differences and working styles.

In my current role, as a president of AIESEC in Bahrain, I practice cooperation with diverse portfolio of companies; I meet CEOs and lead 7 generations of members, who keep challenging and inspiring me for 9 months now. Nevertheless, my experience is also tied to being a team player and making the most of professional relationships. In all these lessons, I'm the apprentice. Yet, according to my job description, I'm supposed to be the master.

There is no other experience which could guarantee so much learning and entrepreneurial attitude at the age of 24.

One month left... for the grand finale, as my predecessor used to call it, and i'm not in the country. What else is there to say?...

Libraries, Afternoons and Doga

2009-05-28T08:42:00.008+03:00

I made a new habit of spending my afternoons in Assabil, the minuscule library, 5 minutes walk from the place I stay. The street that takes me there, is churned with antics stores, friendly old merchants welcoming you to their shops and vehicle of all sort squeezing between other vehicles, already parked on the sides of the road.

The match-box effect amplifies my mental exhaustion, which Beirut was giving me from the very first visit - it drains me to the core, and it gets me irascible when my ears fill up with outrageous honking cars… Oh my!They got style here.

I loved Assabil from the first moment. Even though it guards the cemetery, it feels very friendly. It kept bearing with me for 2 weeks now. Surrounded by shelves full with books, on a comfy green armchair, wrapped by a complete silence, I get to spend long afternoons into a fine trance work atmosphere. And it’s fine! I’ve been doing fine: from dejection till pumped hopes.

[A note to self - I’m getting old. I remember my grand ma’ asking for silence.]

When I want to take a break, I shift to books. Always had the feeling that reading a good book is like borrowing a superior brain. I Bought 4 more this week. Books.

For stress-free afternoons, funky bookstores are good too – but, according to my definition, it’s too much commerce lately – I don't know why it reminds me of all those top-notch people met in a networking event: they all look the same and say the same things.

Without worrying much about climate changing, I choose libraries, afternoons and Doga. Even when times are hard.

EUGEN DOGA - Ciocarlia
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Incognito

2009-05-20T02:56:00.001+03:00

I made a whole list of topics that I want to tackle tomorrow, during The Entrepreneurs Forum (a 2 days seminar initiated by Berytech, and Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum Foundation here, in Lebanon). I also created a pool of questions about how to develop your business idea, how to put first things first and so on… and I was so excited till I got an insight view of the seminar (while doing my homework).

Coming to the main point, I feel that it’s a big hit and miss for me to be here, in this part of the world: the seminars initiatives are oriented towards Arab youth development, towards Arab enterprises and organizations growth, towards Arab world progress. And it makes sense to be this way. It makes sense to them.

… Yes, yes, I do learn from the features of a new culture, I do get valuable ideas and yes, I do have plenty of moments to rethink my thoughts and plans. But that erosive stubbornness of wanting to do something NOW in my OWN country strangles my excitement and my inner drive. How fortunate are these people who are given the stage to speak and act for their own country or region.

But I have reasons and emotions to keep aside for now. What is left is only an Incognito role. (Grabbing what is left after the big feasts must be a stage of initiation).

After 5 years of experience in a global leadership development organization, I ended up living my dream of experiencing an Arab country. But living here, as per its trends and people, made me thirsty of more expertise, of more know-how and more home ownership.

Monday Morning Fragment

2009-05-18T10:44:00.001+03:00

Today I wanted a home-alone-very-early-morning with a strong, strong cup of coffee. It was only a matter of pushing myself out of the bed before anyone else was awake. My eyes were still glued and my head was utterly dizzy. It was around 7.

I made my bed and turned on the heater. In my tip toes, I sneaked to the kitchen and got my cup of coffee. I went on the balcony. Life was already happening there: the same police cars roving around, the same mix of striking hunks invading the air, the same far-away luring mountains, and the same clumps of people bubbling in the neighborhood.

I took a deep breath of fresh air and checked one more time if the manaish guy opened. A cat, looking as if she had a nightmare, was oddly roaming in front of his store. Not yet. I followed her with my eyes till she took a turn of the garbage trunk. She must have had a blue Sunday.

With an eternal love for mornings, and a U2 track in my mind, I saluted Beirut and went inside to check my mail.

It’s Enough to Me.

2009-05-16T12:28:00.004+03:00

The blood was rushing backwards through my veins and I was all shaking when I saw the National Lebanese Orchestra entering the stage tonight, at USJ. I was looking curiously to see the group members, as I knew (from a completely random advertisement), that half of them are from Moldova!

When they popped out on the stage, I, nervous as a bride, was screening each one of them from head to toe to spot my nationals. The kind “grand-ma’ eyes” decisively inattentive, little bold forehead filled with tension, white skin face embossing the soft expression features... It wasn'thard to distinguish them at all…

How sweet was to look at them while mastering their instruments: knowing that they speak the same mother language I do, knowing the same inside things I know, maybe valuing same things I believe in and more than this, missing Moldova as much as I miss it…

It was Enough.

Tonight, for almost one hour, I felt that I’m home again. Calling my mom and telling her in one breath the whole story was such a gratifying moment to me… as if I achieved God knows what.

City Settings

2009-05-11T17:10:00.005+03:00

The amalgam of car hunks and fusion of people’s steps create a sweet comfy trap I love to slant into when I go to bed or when I open my eyes in the morning. The fresh sheets on a huge bed, the breeze coming from the balcony and a bit of Norah Jones… would be too little without this noise.

Somehow it makes me feel secured, tacitly secured.

I love the noise of the city.

Friction

2009-05-11T05:27:00.003+03:00

I feel that I’m transforming into another person, same as the dude in Kafka’s story… It’s just that in my case it’s a lethargic process, so slow that I can believe in. I feel I’m becoming someone else – someone who has hidden thoughts, subversive wishes and desires for herself and others.

[Pause]

As a kid, I was twice more firm about what I believe in and ‘n times more truthful to myself and others. Now I’m a bunch of rules which I’ve been collecting from others… You obey to what you don’t want to lose and not all the time is what you need (to keep). I have never felt so lost in my own beliefs... but this net is just too tight.

I can hear the Adhan pray. A brand new day, the same old hat. I should get some sleep.

Shortcut To What Really Matters

2009-05-11T02:58:00.007+03:00

Because I don’t get often the chance to be with my sister, there is an enormous, permanent call of expressing my gratitude for having her and for remaining my number one BEST Friend throughout the time.

After small sacrifices here and there, I was blessed to have her for 4 days in Lebanon - to celebrate our moments of sisters’ness with laughers, hugs and parallel uneasiness that not so much time is left until we’ll have to say good bye again.

Churned with pure Moldovan accent, our discussions about guys and marriage, university and career, fashion and look… and on top of that… gossiping mom and dad, dogs and cats… refreshed the strong inner bond we’ve always had.

I still feel that I didn’t tell her everything I had to tell… and I don’t know if there will ever be enough time for this. I don't fear life and its tricks until I hug HER.

PS. I got stolen, my guardian.

Episode 1 of the Last Chapter

2009-04-30T18:34:00.006+03:00

And what’s worse is… that she can’t have feelings [or whatever that thing is] for him. She makes it feel wrong. They make it feel wrong. ... now even He makes it feel wrong…

... and all of them from a different reason.

Damn it. Since when having “that thing” for somebody is not in fashion anymore?!!

I just hate people like her these days.

PS. In 5 hours from now, She will be 5 mins away from him and he will be 5 mins away from Her. For now, She and Her are two.

Equation partially solved.

I'm Back

2009-04-21T19:38:00.001+03:00

Habit starts at the second crime... At the first one, something is ending.

I need more Camus.

2009-04-05T19:16:00.001+03:00

Resolutions

2009-03-30T20:35:00.006+03:00

Stupid. Awkward. Weird.

2009-02-12T23:40:00.002+03:00

It's wrong, i know, but it feels right.


You only stay with me in the morning
You only hold me when I sleep
I was meant to tread the water
But now I've gotten in too deep

For every piece of me that wants you
Another piece backs away

You give me something
That makes me scared alright
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something
Because someday I might know my heart

Assessment

2009-02-10T10:19:00.002+03:00

"well...
ur in Bahrain
ur MCP of an up and coming @ country
ur all over the place and being super hands on with stuff
u have a crush on someone :P
ummm
ur overloading urself with stuff bcoz u hate it when u dont see things moving
u also miss ur own space
your Lumi time
seems like u have no time for Lumi
all this is frustrating u
Thank God ur still sane
and can still put up a smile but god knows if it is real or fake coz i cudnt figure it out
that is the bit that i see
now u can begin negating everything i just said :P"

Thanks good friend.

Is This Love?!

2009-02-08T18:59:00.001+03:00

"She: Will we still be together if I would be in a wheelchair?
He: This way I will know that u won't run away."

I Had to Put This Here

2009-02-06T22:50:00.003+03:00

One of the best mails I have ever received: sweet & flatery free.
Thank you Rehman! :)

Of course, some of the stuff will always stay inside jokes!

"Ladies

I never got a chance to fully express my feelings for you both. I suppose this mail would be
an effective way...

I am really really thankful to God to have you guys in my life. Your strength, humor, ability to
face challenges, quality of uniting and everything else inspires me everyday.

I have spent among the most challenging and emotional moments of my life with you guys.

If i write a book about myself, you guys would have 25% of the pages dedicated for each of
you.

Being with you guys for thing long has been the awesomest thing.....
AND i am freaking confident.. that we would be friends for much longer than we think we
would be.

My moments: (not in order of anything)

1. Nadas brownies (Yes, Im a foodie)
2. Nadas homecooked food (Same comment applies here)
3. The awesome car rides with you both
4. Witnessing those girly conversations
5. Speaking my heart out to Lumi
6. Nadas blond moments
7. Getting locked out (Yes Lumi. Thats unforgettable too)
8. Lumis FLUFFYNESS
9. The cat named fluffy
10. si nici cu 10ele.
11. Discussing girls (Nada, you know a mans mind better)
12. The romanian finish to things ( I LOVE IT - the accent specially)
13. Lumis mommyness (managing the kids - you know who)
14. Nadas mysterical disinterest in men
15. Lumis marriage to Simi (and other challenging relationships - i love your people
management skills)
16. The legislation (sorry! it was too bad to forget)
17. The desperate chats/mcms (output - WE NEED MONEY)
18. nu stiu ce-a patit 18ele.
19. The MC photos post IC (we need to do this again)
20. Lumi's knowledge and ability to understand EVERYTHING
21. Lumis fluffyness ( I know its repeated)
22. Lumis height (why so tall?)
23. Nadas height (why so short?)

24. Continue if you guys have anything to add

seeing any of you in any difficulty/depression disturbs me...

please know... that you can borrow my shoulder any time. im always there with you guys.

love you guys :)
Rehman"

Celebrating Simple Kind of Life

2009-02-05T15:19:00.003+03:00

Things are getting better, here and there. Having a Moldavian passport doesn’t help at all and I’m losing so much work time because of it, but it's alright. All this gives me some time for tension and teaches me what anxiety is.

I miss my sister and cuddling-under-the-blanket times.

However, Bahrain blessed me with new people and I found fresh inspirations, which get me out of those harsh times. He inspires me a lot and every time I meet this person I end up being motivated and provoked to DO much more.

I love my life and it makes So much sense why it’s Mine.

Chem "ME time"?

2009-02-04T13:51:00.001+03:00

I miss some ME time or “nowhere to be found” time.
It could be my cherry three, it could be my sea shore or the 3 km walk back from the office before the sunset…

Hum, maybe something immoral… or maybe not.

I have an iPod, but I need a ME place in Bahrain, easy to reach, where I can escape from people, life and fragility…

Pleasure is On The Other Side

2009-02-04T10:51:00.006+03:00

... against my structure and my stiffness ...gets me drunk with stupid laughters
while taking me on the top of the world. ... teaches me things I never wanted to learn.
... have no limitations, no restrictions and no "it feels wrong"s.

One more cigarette, one more and one more... and John Legend during my office hours.
Discovering new faces you (in most of the cases) get to know more about yourself. Voila!

La vie est bien...
Elle est de miel !
Quand elle s'acide de dynamite
Qui m'aime me suive!

Where is my "I don't care" face? ... One weird day wallah.

Got a conference in the weekend and 2 sessions to develop, two products to package
and a bit more of confusion to dive into.

Current Assessment aka Who The Hell?

2009-01-29T00:23:00.005+03:00

Some of them do, most of them dont...

Then why am I here? Then why do I do what I do? Then why I wake up
every day at 6AM with this passion in my blood working for 12 hours continuously?
What sustains me from inside and what keeps me going?

... therefore today I fail once again, as I gracefully do it since 212 days...
Sometimes what you wish for is not what you should get.

PS. And don't you even dare to be nice with me. Just be yourself, if possible.

"And you asked me what I want this year
and I try to make this kind and clear
just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
'cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
and designer love and empty things
just a chance that maybe we'll find better days.."

Tima Saves the Day

2009-01-14T20:55:00.003+03:00

Found this in my mail this morning. Thanks Tima :)

2009-01-02T13:42:00.001+03:00

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Where were you where were you...

Not The One I Know

2008-12-21T22:14:00.001+03:00

6 months of patience… maybe sometimes you just have to let it out and be less diplomatic. It might work… it might not, but people are weird creatures, thus… they need it – they need to cry, to feel small, to feel stupid or arrogant…

Where did I go wrong? Uff, we all need a cherry tree to be closer to the sky.

PS. Why can’t I say Good Bye? There is no revolution without blood. sa7?!

Agatata De Suportul De Creioane

2008-12-21T17:56:00.001+03:00

Scrisoare de La Multi Ani

"La multi ani draghe Limunitz!!!
Tone de imbratisari si pupaturi din Ardeal pe capul tau!!!!!

Si cum stateam eu si cujetam pe tema "Hmmm…e ziua lu' Lumi, frate!!!" mi-au invadat mintea niste flash-back-uri din timpurile mele in AIESEC Sibiu.
- LPM Cj 04: cum zaceam in pat intre tine si Cristinutza – si tin minte cum radeai de se scutura patul J. Merci mult ca ai stat in echipa mea anul aceala J
- Pozele tale de la functinala de OGX primavera 05 – prima ta functionala ca VP, si cum ne tot pregateam noi pana in noapte dinainte included! Merci ca ai lasat ca tranzitie sa fie un lucru usor pt mine :)
- merci ca n-a trebuit sa ma rup in figuri in recrutarea din primavara 05:)
- intalnirea noastra de la IC 07 - CE TARE! @SB RULLLZ
- sosetele tale de lana sub biroul meu de pastile catolice din 05 - la un EB dinner 04/05 + 05/06
- "talputa" in loc de underscore
- pozele tale +Letzu de la graduation ceremony - cu roba cu tot :)
- faptul ca eram in Bazi si Zeno povestea f. impresionat ca te-ai dus la 5 dim sa-ti iei bye bye de la el - pleca in al 2lea CEED in AI
etc.
Nu cred ca mai sunt atat de mandra de nimeni altcineva in @SB cum sunt de tine!!!

Iti dai seama
… ca esti primul om din @SB care a stat 2 ani in MC?
…..ca esti primul om din @SB care a fost MCP? ( si mai este :)
…..Ca esti primul om din @SB care are o sansa reala sa fie Director?
….ca esti printer putinii oameni care chiar au folosit @ ca sa-si indeplineasca un vis – pe care majoritatea il credeau total nebunesc!!!Tu ai vrut sa traiesti intr-o tara araba – si uite ca acolo ai si ajuns :)
Ma laud peste tot in stanga si-n dreapta: succesoarea mea face expansion in @ pe bune: KG si acum Bahrain!!! Succesoarea mea a ajuns acum MCP in Bahrain – nah, ca v-am taiat pe toti :)
...de fapt esti singurul meu om drag din Rp. Moldova - si cand ma gandesc la Moldova, ma gandesc la tine:) Moldova rullzzzzzz: numai fete faine si destepte :)

Si dincolo de toate chestiile @ related- sunt tare mandra ca te-am cunoscut, ca am impartit o pasiune comuna (pt @) – sis per ca o sa tinem legatura si ca o sa ramanem prietene :)
Muaaaaaaaaaah – ce platitudine siropoasa am scapat: dar pe bune acum, din toti omuletzii pe care am avut norocul sa-i intalnesc in @, sunt putini cu care vreau sa tin legatura, si mai putini pe care ii admir. Tu faci parte din amandoua categoriile ( lucru rar la mine :), ca am standard ridicate)

Mai tii minte clama cu floare din KG pe care mi-ai dat-o in 07 la IC – sta inca in fata mea, pe birou, agatata de suportul de creioane :)

O pasarica suedeze mi-a soptit ca esti acasa, in Moldova – daca-mi dai un nr de tel te si sunam – ca ne e mega dor la toti sa-ti auzim glasciorul!!!

Mi-e dor sa te vad si sa te aud!!!!Sper ca viata sa ne nimereasca candva din nou in acelasi oras - sau macar de-o vacanta s-o punem impreuna.

Iritzi."

“Daed uoy tnaw i”

2008-12-16T10:41:00.002+03:00

There is no more yesterday to me from now on. There is no tomorrow either. No matter how afraid I am of the day of today, I know that things are over, because I don’t see any light, any hope or chance for us anymore.

Officially, not confused.

Back On Race

2008-12-11T10:36:00.002+03:00

... meetings schedule... revised goals and strategies for the second part of term.

Today I'm opening applications for my succesor... and this is the moment when you get back to your 1st two quarters of your term and tend to criticize your work till the deepest, but it's alright - A brand new day is waiting for me!

Good morning world!

Firesafed

2008-12-10T13:02:00.006+03:00

Eid Mubarrak... you can hear here and there.. friends, families gatherings - It's the 3rd day of Eid and Bahrain is wearing its holiday cloths - it might be the last Eid I can witness till the end of my term, but who knows what's next?... It might be just a beginning...

I had a "full tank" last evening: having a Pon-Kon chicken at Honk Kong restaurant, cruising around with girls till Muharrak singing (and it's a whole experience when you have Nada in the back and Aqeela driving... love you, girls!!!), saying Good Bye to another dear person and laughing on How I Met Your Mother till 1AM.

With my heart, I'm still there... where u left me last time... an ongoing confusion... How can I decide what's right? Where can you run to escape from yourself? No way to go, but I feel firesafed. Weird.

How To Save My Day

2008-12-06T15:12:00.004+03:00

It’s interesting how life works and I have no clues what’s the force behind all these scenarios. And I won’t jump into philosophy or religion trying to explain all that. Besides, without knowing what keeps life going on and more than this - what makes it SO LOGIC is even more fascinating …

When I thought that I’m a lost case, I have learnt about entropy and I met people who’re actually handling the same “boomerangs” I handle. And as simple as that, with the well-known mechanism – we feel automatically better when we find out that there are people who suffer from the same illness as we do and all of a sudden – Bam! Bam! - We become very grateful for what we got!

Just another lesson to remember... I know it works with me - gratitude regenerates my emotions and my inner drive... same as "giving" makes me happy. So, if you see a moody, lazzy and unhappy Lumi one day walking on a street - tell her to "give" a bit from what she got already - It will save my day!

Going Back To Innocence

2008-11-09T23:07:00.001+03:00

I’m home... in Moldova.

It’s dark outside. Grapes on my table. Cozy brown sofa and a cup of black Tea. John Lennon and time for blogging. The Sunday will be gone in less than two hours. My parents are out and my sister left to her college city already. I missed this serenity, but somehow it’s not SO patent as before.

Yet, I needed the ice cream brought by mom when coming back from work, I needed the grilled mici made by dad, I needed the early morning laughter with my sister…
Things can be so simple, you’ve told me.

In Moldova... I’m home.

Nasc si la Moldova oameni. Neculce se indoia de neamul asta inca de pe atunci?... cum adica “si la Moldova”??? Sa-mi lamureasca cineva.

When Gucci Doesn't Help

2008-11-06T11:22:00.005+03:00

Miles&Smiles... am zis si-am facut.

... my orange juice is healthy, served in a plastic glass with a green, thick straw.
... my coffee is bigger, stronger in a white paper cup...
but tasteless somehow.

... between Europe and Asia...
between yesterday and tomorrow ... somehow I'm lost.

Airport Starbucks Coffee shop relfection... Alone. Very alone.

PS. Pour les connoisseurs.

The Marathon Against Myself.

2008-11-02T09:20:00.003+03:00

3 km run in the middle of Gulf's desert are enough to know you're not alone in this world. Glorious 22 mins for my blazed muscles. Together with my friends (95% AIESECers) I ran the marathon on October, 31st ... and we all did it for charity... "It's about the experience... " they kept saying...
I experienced gratitude again - for having people who are taking care of me & for having a healthy body (as healthy it ca be with 2 gym hours/ week and lots of shawormas. ouch.)

A long road back home... is waiting for me. A decaf.

I've Been Here Before.

2008-10-26T21:17:00.002+03:00

19 mins since the 1st tic...

... lost, looking around, seeking for someone... and what now?! What is going to happen? A dead echo.

What is after this second? Pause. I hear nothing... I don't get it and don't understand what is happening. I wait for a sign. I want the answer I've been promised I'll get.

But wait, I've been here before!

Or... that's the answer?!... Nimic cu nimic, "pentru ca merit"...

...and tac never came.

NU uita cuvintele.

2008-10-25T23:16:00.004+03:00

Lipseste scriptul. Adica.. si cortina?! Sa cada, la naiba! Nu-i clar ca am uitat cuvintele?!
Si iata scena cand ne invinuim parintii pentru ceea ce suntem si plaiul natal - pentru ceea ce nu vom fi nicicand.

Eu nu mai cred in potential. Si nici in vointa. M-am decis. Cred ca fiecare joaca un rol pe care el insusi si-l alege si ceea ce conteaza e abilitatea de a NU uita cuvintele!!! Si daca tie ti-e bine asa - de ce sa fie altfel?

Dar eu nu mai inteleg nimic - nu trebuia sa fie un script pana la urma?...

Ah! si naivitatea - se da degeaba la taraba mea. Daca ochelarii de soare ar putea vorbi si lifturile ar avea urechi - lumea ar fi mai frumoasa si povestile de dragoste mai adevarate. Si din asta cum mai ies acum?

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people passing by
I see friends shaking hands
Saying, "How do you do?"
They're really saying, I...I love you
I hear babies cry and I watch them grow,
They'll learn much more
Than we'll know
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world (w)oohoorld

New.

2008-10-22T12:24:00.004+03:00

I need to clean my house. I need to throw away the garbage, to bring flowers on my table and to brush away the dust from my old library.

Tonight the world begins again.

Heart Disorders

2008-10-21T16:56:00.002+03:00

Whenever my heart twinges me I get back to my mom's lap. I stare at the damn phone and listen Steven Johnson on the Web as a city. So what? Lebanese newspaper writes that Moldovan chix are too hot to stay at home and seee? That's why I'm nowhere.

Because I don't have the guts. Do they sell Guts in a cold store? Umm.. even if they would - US money reached a wrong bank account, therefore not mine.

That's why there are "7th of November" days - to go home and get back to mom's lap .... and this time it won't be just a happy song away.

Ты - не ждешь, но я - вернусь

2008-10-19T01:23:00.005+03:00

It has to be like this, thus NO. But look at my people - between two eras they can make it. Why cant I make it? Svetlana Toma is drop dead beautiful and Sofia Rotaru is damn talented.

PS. Only if I could sign an MoU with God.

What Made My Day

2008-10-09T17:46:00.004+03:00

Lebanon is preparing the ground for a new war with Israel - a food war - and it is all about hummus

Source: Sky News

PS. This article made my day. New obsession from Amr Diab - Allah La Yehremni Menak.
When enough is enough?!

News Roundup

2008-10-04T16:53:00.004+03:00

* In the first day of Eid I remembered how much I enjoy sea side and yes, Bahrain is surrounded by sea. Bahrain Ford. I've seen it with my own eyes, I swear. After 3 months?! Shame on me?! Wait, no, blame the weather.. Wait, wait.. blame the car. Darn. Guilty of charge.

* I cant live in luxurious places. As much as I love the view on the top of a 12 floors building, in Amwaj, I know I can't live in a place where you have all gym facilities, swimming pool, sauna, jacuzzi and all of that sort. I feel guilty for having all that, knowing that 35000 children die every day because of poverty.

* Yey for AIESEC! The most "napolitane la 2 dimineata cu Nadia" organisation ever. I haven't loose my drive and my paternal instinct - my motivation is SO much there! En garde, Leadership Team! Let's build the Kingdom! (pour les connaisseurs).

* I still can tolerate and leave aside my pride to make things work. A door to door conversation which made me cry, smile and felt just awesome - it's called communication and expectations setting for roomies.

* I did not do any sport since I came back from Brazil. Good to me. Was I talking about a financial crisis few posts ago? I'm still into one, but it's all about Bahrain, cool people and a lazy Lumi. Baskin Robbins on a cauch?! No, I do not loose weight when I'm stressed. Just hair.

* The roof became my new cherry tree. I felt ashamed of feeling alone when it wasn't the case at all, but I know that September is the month. ... Sandra knows. Doing an MC term abroad?! or one year long international internship?! You know it too.

* I can't bluff my way out. It's just too awesome. But somehow, it works like this - you give with one hand and take with the other one. A perfect equilibrium. My face still doesn't go red and I don't stammer - because I do not lie. Forbidding me to wear skirts and shorts does not make me more appreciated and respected. Lumi's expiration date: 4th of November.

* Praying seems like something I don't know to do anymore, sort of a one sided conversation in which I give up after one minute. But why?! I badly have to go to church.

Windy times, mingled hair, flowers on my dress and no make up!

AIESEC Bahrain is LEGAL!

2008-09-28T02:53:00.004+03:00

Tonight I understood better what my mission should be for AIESEC Bahrain 0809 term… Believe it or not, I was pretty clueless when I arrived here 3 months ago. I tried to pitch myself in as fast as possible, but along the way, I still felt short in many ways - sometimes, just not knowing who that is… Al Sheikha, who's ministry is what, why not here, but there... Even small, the cultural differences didn't bypass me...I had to accept the fact that it doesn’t really work as I thought it will or every so often, trying to realize “how did I skip all that?”

LEGALIZATION means nothing without the glittering in their eyes, without their excitement and future commitment. Without their green. I know we do not live intensively our AIESEC experiences, there is much more we could do… I know that we do not deliver at the fullest capacity to make the impact we want to make. But there is a sparkle in each and every one of them and it is my SOLE role to bring them TOGETHER to build that Kingdom and I know I can do that. Why?! Because I WANT it.

A Gtalk message, a hug, a Camilles cookie or just a thoughtful look… and it’s enough to get it all. Now that I know… what else is there?!!...

Without Alcohol And Colorants

2008-09-27T02:42:00.001+03:00

It's something with this word. It is on Andreea's blog. It reminds me of Letzu and pops up my google search for MBA.

2 dictionary results for: supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

Webster's New Millennium™ Dictionary of English - Cite This Source - Share This

Main Entry:	supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
Part of Speech:	adj
Definition:	a nonsense word meaning fantastic; also called supercalifragilistic
Etymology:	popularized by the movie 'Mary Poppins'

Experiencing Ramadan

2008-09-25T19:52:00.003+03:00

Exactly 21 days since I have start fasting. No food, no water from morning till iftar (which is like from 4am till 5:30ish pm). The days seam longer when you work and don't eat and drink, but somehow you learn to appreciate much more "the normality". You "learn" the taste of water, you "learn" the price of food, you "learn" to seize the time and to connect more with yourself and God - it develops a consciousness of being a better person, somehow.

When iftar comes, each family on this island celebrates and breaks the fast together. Dates, rice, sambousa, goat or chicken meat, fruits and sweets come as a bless. I don't really eat with my hands and I still don't use ya3ni, but I feel somehow, I'm becoming a Bahraini.. or if I'm not - I want to become as one. The people I'm surrounded by thought me what care is and I'm SO much thankful to that! (Who needs US when I have a financial crise of my own?!)

Something Else Than Work

2008-09-19T00:05:00.002+03:00

Things I did today:

- paid a visit to the Ministry of Social Development
- bought Gulf News papers
- recharged my phone
- red "I have a dream" speech
- removed couple of people from my facebook account
- listened Clandestino
- went to Tima's place for iftar
- met my coachee
- received a giraffe from a charity event
- ... found out that actually my hair is death

How many roads must I walk down before I admit that I'm lost?

Autosaved Insight.

2008-09-17T14:29:00.007+03:00

I'm in need to connect much more with my roots, with my country, with my family...
I miss Moldova badly and I can scream loudly after 9 years of roaming through the world - yey for science's randomness! I miss my family Sundays, my green, blue and yellow all together, the rain, my move T-shirt, my bike, my dad singing and the cool of the evening light.
All these things... and still, the best things in life aren't things.
Bless Clandestino!!! It made my day!!!

PS. Lumi is never fake. Not even when needed. In conclusion, I need a car.

It's All About The Magnifying Glass

2008-09-12T21:41:00.008+03:00

After a long day of fasting, my body screams for some exercises and good food. I had for iftar (breakfast) delicious cookies and mini pizza, manaish b zataar, etc. By the way, I fast and I'm pretty proud of the fact that I have managed to stay away from all my vices since Ramadan begun.

Bahrain and the whole Arab world is in holiday - you can feel the difference - a good time for spiritual purification achieved through fasting, self-sacrifice and prayers. People are more welcoming and good food is in every house we're invited to, after magrhib (sunset) prayer. I believe that whoever witnesses the month of Ramadan should fast through it, even if he/she is not a Muslim. It's a special schooling your soul and body goes through and ... I SO much need it. Some people might know why.

One cup of cappuccino, my laptop and an orange room - it's all I need to start my weekend work. I thought I prefer to be left alone, since I'm pretty much of an intrinsic person when comes up to my work, but I ended up without a NO... and with a curious and analytic Tima for a solid-liquid conversation. After ă, î, ț and centimetres, I figured out - it's all about the magnifying glass.

One Faces.

2008-09-10T03:01:00.002+03:00

If there is one thing which I hate about people this is the fake'ness. I'm a player and an ignorant - you might not guess me, but I do figure who you are and how you are. I never said that the world is divided between good guys and bad guys. You might be awesome, but if you tricked me once, then you lost me. And if you lost me, there is nothing to get me back, even if i forget and forgive and no matter how much I want to be back. You might not be a bad person, but you just met me.

PS. And if you don't get the message behind this post, don't worry - it is for me.
Lots of stars dust and true people!

5 Hours After 5 Years

2008-08-16T19:46:00.004+03:00

"Hey, let me know at what time you are going to the airport. I wanna come. Lov u" One of the messages I have received from my members tonight. I'm heading to Brazil in less than 5 hours... How rewarding this feeling can be... 5 years in AIESEC - an organisation that changed me to the core and defined the person I am.
We can be jagguars as well... not just hamsters.

Race In A Cage

2008-08-12T20:02:00.005+03:00

Few posts ago, I was mentioning that everything that happens to you - happens for a reason. And it's 100% tested! You won't get the lesson right'away but later on, you will click it. That's how things work. There is no other way, (un)fortunately (still didn't decide if this is good or bad).

... the story begun in Bahrain. After being pranked by my members, after moving to my orange room, after meeting new faces in meetings, bla bla bla... I got a hamster! Yes, a hamster!!! Those who know me - they know that I will freak out when it's about taking care of a hamster or any little thing that looks like a mouse. So, while the present was handed to me I have found the little creature more like a future trouble, rather than a joy.

The thing is that somehow I've started loving this little brute - she eats what I eat, wakes up when I wake up and does not mind me talking to her when I cook. She got her little space in the kitchen, near the window and she doens't look that depressed.

When I went to kitchen to get my cream from the fridge, I turned my head to check how she is - rolling in her little pink wheel, she seamed as always - a dirty happy creature! And ...it clicked me! She was running, running, running... making all that noise and effort, but without no destination... she was in a cage!

You cant race in a cage! Or you can - but it will take you exactly where you already are. You have to break the cage in fact if you really want to face a new destination, a new YOU. You have to leave behind your limits, your borders. Yes! Yes! So simple things....are put in front of me... everyday, but I just don't see them!

With this thought in my mind, I went upstairs to the gym. Fixed my mini radio and I jumped on the tread mill. Pressed the warming button, started walking... while facing the big window, seing a walking Lumi reflected in the glass... While glimpsing far away to Manama's streets after the sunset, enjoying the urban soundtrack... It hit me again!!!

You might walk, you might even run - but you might reach no destination, if you don't break your own limits - your own fears and face the Unknown.

I'm sitting here, in my own cage, running on my own pink wheel and I know your face.... from somewhere. Yes, I do know your face... I just don't know who you are.

I Know What Is Happiness To me

2008-08-12T16:52:00.007+03:00

You will not enjoy your life and its gifts if you wont get rid of your secrets... If there are secrets, there is no inner peace. If there is no inner peace, there is no happiness.

If you hide something is because it's wrong.
If it's wrong for others, but not wrong for you... then it's wrong anyway.
If it's wrong for your, but not wrong for others... then it's wrong anyway.
Hiding ...for you or for others - it's wrong!

If you stay true to yourself and walk your talk, you might suffer, but in the end - it's the right thing to do, therefore you you will be happy. Happiness comes ONLY when you stay true to yourself. ONLY.

Song Of The Day - Shine/ Bond

VISA to Brazil

2008-08-09T16:57:00.007+03:00

Brazil... I'd never thought I will ever step on that part of the world. Don't have the flight ticket yet, but got my passport today and my VISA for Brazil is in it! A damn sticker that holds dreams, moments, friends, emotions and all this over the ocean... far, far away... where summer is winter and day is night.

Ah, I'm gonna melt at the sound of Portuguese language.
Ai, mi coracao!

Song Of The Day - Joao Pedro Pais/ Ser Que

Personal/ Professional?!

2008-08-04T09:36:00.009+03:00

It's 9:20 AM. I have just arrived in the office. Got my to do list for the day ready & have filled a glass with mango juice. It's time to work! Another working day, after last night I went to bed at 2 AM.

Scenario 1 (2 days ago with my roomie)
- "Are you going to work on Friday?"
- "Um, yes, I really have to finish this. It has to be submitted to AIESEC Intl ASAP, besides... I still have to..."
- " Watch out of your work balance, 7abibte!"

Scenario 2 (last night with a monster)
- "You are not professional"
- "Huh, WHAT?! what do you mean?"
- "Well, sorry, but there is no difference between your personal life and professional life."
- "... this has nothing to do with professionalism!!!"
- "Yes, it has... Someone proffi will always know to separate his personal life matters from his work. ....And stop being a president with me."

Scenario 3 (this morning with an Indian taxi driver)
- "When do you start your work?"
- "9 AM everyday!"
- "Do you work during the night?"
- "Oh, night?!! NO! NO! No night."
- "I meant evening.."
- "NO, I not work evening. Work not finish - people finish..."

... They have a saying in Romanian.. "If three people tell you the same thing, go and do something about it"...

PS. Bond-Explosive is an awesome song to start your day!

Help! Time Pranks Me

2008-08-03T16:55:00.006+03:00

Time is running so fast and I cant even feel how the days are passing by. Every morning I set some priorities for the day ahead and at the end of it i realise that only 50% of them are accomplished. I'm wondering... is it me the one incapable to finish her duties or the time shrank and nobody told me about?

I red somewhere, long time ago, that there's gonna be one day when weeks will feel like days, days like hours and hours as minutes. Today is my 34th day of leading AIESEC in Bahrain. One month is already gone and i didn't even feel when this happened. Am I too absorbed by my work, am I too inefficient, do I lack time management skills or just time went crazy?!

PS. My weekend was pretty relaxing - nothing to change the world. I went to my first LC meeting of @BH - I got to know new faces, meeting with my 2 months old friends. One day before I went with Aqeela for putting some henna on my hands. I have done this in Morocco before, but this time was more real. Thank you, Aqeela for having the patience. Acquiring an abaya is my next target! B-)

Pending

2008-07-30T13:32:00.010+03:00

Whatever happens is the right thing to happen. Whenever happens is the right time to happen. It starts when it starts & it ends when it ends...

I dont care anymore where I stand.