5 Hours After 5 Years

"Hey, let me know at what time you are going to the airport. I wanna come. Lov u" One of the messages I have received from my members tonight. I'm heading to Brazil in less than 5 hours... How rewarding this feeling can be... 5 years in AIESEC - an organisation that changed me to the core and defined the person I am.
We can be jagguars as well... not just hamsters.

Race In A Cage

Few posts ago, I was mentioning that everything that happens to you - happens for a reason. And it's 100% tested! You won't get the lesson right'away but later on, you will click it. That's how things work. There is no other way, (un)fortunately (still didn't decide if this is good or bad).

... the story begun in Bahrain. After being pranked by my members, after moving to my orange room, after meeting new faces in meetings, bla bla bla... I got a hamster! Yes, a hamster!!! Those who know me - they know that I will freak out when it's about taking care of a hamster or any little thing that looks like a mouse. So, while the present was handed to me I have found the little creature more like a future trouble, rather than a joy.

The thing is that somehow I've started loving this little brute - she eats what I eat, wakes up when I wake up and does not mind me talking to her when I cook. She got her little space in the kitchen, near the window and she doens't look that depressed.

When I went to kitchen to get my cream from the fridge, I turned my head to check how she is - rolling in her little pink wheel, she seamed as always - a dirty happy creature! And ...it clicked me! She was running, running, running... making all that noise and effort, but without no destination... she was in a cage!

You cant race in a cage! Or you can - but it will take you exactly where you already are. You have to break the cage in fact if you really want to face a new destination, a new YOU. You have to leave behind your limits, your borders. Yes! Yes! So simple things....are put in front of me... everyday, but I just don't see them!

With this thought in my mind, I went upstairs to the gym. Fixed my mini radio and I jumped on the tread mill. Pressed the warming button, started walking... while facing the big window, seing a walking Lumi reflected in the glass... While glimpsing far away to Manama's streets after the sunset, enjoying the urban soundtrack... It hit me again!!!

You might walk, you might even run - but you might reach no destination, if you don't break your own limits - your own fears and face the Unknown.

I'm sitting here, in my own cage, running on my own pink wheel and I know your face.... from somewhere. Yes, I do know your face... I just don't know who you are.

I Know What Is Happiness To me

You will not enjoy your life and its gifts if you wont get rid of your secrets... If there are secrets, there is no inner peace. If there is no inner peace, there is no happiness.

If you hide something is because it's wrong.
If it's wrong for others, but not wrong for you... then it's wrong anyway.
If it's wrong for your, but not wrong for others... then it's wrong anyway.
Hiding ...for you or for others - it's wrong!

If you stay true to yourself and walk your talk, you might suffer, but in the end - it's the right thing to do, therefore you you will be happy. Happiness comes ONLY when you stay true to yourself. ONLY.

Song Of The Day - Shine/ Bond

VISA to Brazil

Brazil... I'd never thought I will ever step on that part of the world. Don't have the flight ticket yet, but got my passport today and my VISA for Brazil is in it! A damn sticker that holds dreams, moments, friends, emotions and all this over the ocean... far, far away... where summer is winter and day is night.

Ah, I'm gonna melt at the sound of Portuguese language.
Ai, mi coracao!

Song Of The Day - Joao Pedro Pais/ Ser Que

Personal/ Professional?!

It's 9:20 AM. I have just arrived in the office. Got my to do list for the day ready & have filled a glass with mango juice. It's time to work! Another working day, after last night I went to bed at 2 AM.

Scenario 1 (2 days ago with my roomie)
- "Are you going to work on Friday?"
- "Um, yes, I really have to finish this. It has to be submitted to AIESEC Intl ASAP, besides... I still have to..."
- " Watch out of your work balance, 7abibte!"

Scenario 2 (last night with a monster)
- "You are not professional"
- "Huh, WHAT?! what do you mean?"
- "Well, sorry, but there is no difference between your personal life and professional life."
- "... this has nothing to do with professionalism!!!"
- "Yes, it has... Someone proffi will always know to separate his personal life matters from his work. ....And stop being a president with me."

Scenario 3 (this morning with an Indian taxi driver)
- "When do you start your work?"
- "9 AM everyday!"
- "Do you work during the night?"
- "Oh, night?!! NO! NO! No night."
- "I meant evening.."
- "NO, I not work evening. Work not finish - people finish..."

... They have a saying in Romanian.. "If three people tell you the same thing, go and do something about it"...

PS. Bond-Explosive is an awesome song to start your day!

Help! Time Pranks Me

Time is running so fast and I cant even feel how the days are passing by. Every morning I set some priorities for the day ahead and at the end of it i realise that only 50% of them are accomplished. I'm wondering... is it me the one incapable to finish her duties or the time shrank and nobody told me about?

I red somewhere, long time ago, that there's gonna be one day when weeks will feel like days, days like hours and hours as minutes. Today is my 34th day of leading AIESEC in Bahrain. One month is already gone and i didn't even feel when this happened. Am I too absorbed by my work, am I too inefficient, do I lack time management skills or just time went crazy?!

PS. My weekend was pretty relaxing - nothing to change the world. I went to my first LC meeting of @BH - I got to know new faces, meeting with my 2 months old friends. One day before I went with Aqeela for putting some henna on my hands. I have done this in Morocco before, but this time was more real. Thank you, Aqeela for having the patience. Acquiring an abaya is my next target! B-)

Pending

Whatever happens is the right thing to happen. Whenever happens is the right time to happen. It starts when it starts & it ends when it ends...

I dont care anymore where I stand.

I'm Back Home

If someone will tie my eyes and drop me somewhere where the wind goes gently through my hair and my body gets wrapped up with steams as a sauna effect, I will immediately know that ... I'm in Bahrain. It's unbelievable how this country (literally) feels. I am in Bahrain - I'm back home. Weirdish, but I missed it a lot.

My room is very dusty and one drawer is missing, but it's fine. I have no food in the fridge, except some cabbage & two lemons. I unpacked very quickly and I overloaded the washing machine. My so-to-say holiday is gone and now it's the time to catch it up. Lots of things are menacing my inner comfort and I had a feeling of loosing control, but I wasnt.

A frantic MC time has started - quickly I have gathered my team for a two hours meeting even if it was weekend - I got short updates and had planned the week ahead. I'm ready to go & I want to make you proud of me.

Letter For Later

Some mails just change your life's path.

"Dear friends all over the world,

The last six months have been the most indescribably unique and rewarding months of my life so far. At a point where everything about my experience is at it's best, I am looking for someone that will be ready to take up the challenge and the adventure of leading AIESEC Bahrain towards and beyond full member status. Someone who isn't ready to leave AIESEC just yet and who is looking for an impactful, entrepreneurial and lifechanging experience, working with local students and organizations to continue one the most exciting expansions in AIESEC.

If you are looking for a jobrole that includes, DIRECT IMPACT, STRATEGIC DECISION MAKING, CULTURAL AND PROFESSIONAL CHALLENGE, FLEXIBILITY and a lot of GREAT moments and FUN, make sure you check out the information attached to this email!

If you know someone else that is still looking for the ultimate way to impact young people's lives through AIESEC, including that of their own, and that wants to experience Middle East culture at its best, make sure you send them this email, for it is with great pleasure and anticipation that I hereby send you the application guide and candidates booklet for the position of MCP of AIESEC in Bahrain - official expansion for the term 2008-2009.

The deadline for the applications is the 22nd of January 2008, the results will be announced on the 2nd February 2008.

Wishing all of you all the best of luck with finding generation 0809."

PS. That's the menu, let's see what I'm gonna have.

Bahrain is home.

Worried

I was wearing a pearl formal white shirt, which was stained with blood... over which I was trying to fit a navy business suit. A weird dream woke me up in the morning and the unbearable hit strongly contributed to this.
I'm so much worried that it might be too late for all of us... And then, I will have to face my sins, letting myself sunk in the office work and nothing else...

I have so much to give now, but I might not have to whom.

At The 7th Floor

At 7th floor is not the heaven, but things go better for everyone, even for myself. Now I know what I want, but more than this, what I need.

I believe that everything that happens to you, happens for a reason, even if you cant see its immediate benefits. Life has some extraordinary ways of pouting the pieces together and creating a wonderful puzzle. Maybe it's based on someones pain, maybe it's based on our own pain and all this wrapped in a silly irony - but in the end - the things get aligned.

Surrounded by untold opulence and love luxury from the day I arrived here, but stifled by the unbearable self-conscience, I live my shocking story, gripping revelations.

When Life Beats You

Against my will. Against my heart, I wait alone in the airport. Green. Lots of green and people hurrying from one place to another. I have tears in my eyes and regrets in my heart. I feel fake - I feel cheap and I'm not where I belong. I wanted to be home. But I'm not. My plane took a wrong direction, so my life. This time life beat me.

I feel good, but cheated and I so much need myself.

Life On The Island

One month in Bahrain. I still didn't get use with many things, but yes, I feel how I become more and more addicted by these people and now I understand what Jorien was talking about.

I had simbousa for dinner & I officially declare it my favorite food in Bahrain. I definitely wont accept any suggestions in terms of what I should try. Even my picky hamster would have like it. It feels like I have gained few kilos - got a gym upstairs, but it's not an entertaining place at all - and my schedule and impossibility of driving my own car paralyses the idea of going to a public one.

Two more days for me to have a legal stay in this country. Let's see what experiences are ahead - tomorrow is a decisive day of my life - it all depends on a VISA & a flight ticket. This time, I will let life choose its own flow. I don't have what to loose anymore...

Lost Between Two Worlds

There are no ordinary stories in my life. There are no ordinary people that I meet. There is a script and a great scenario behind my every day moments, but it's me the final responsible for what's happening to me - I am the one who chooses how to respond to situations and by what kind of people to be surrounded.
A door closes today ... It's all about the choices I make and the damn script... I don't know where I can be found anymore. I'm lost between two worlds.

Al Areen & Tree of Life

At Nada's family invitation, yesterday morning I went to Al Areen wildlife park. A nice place to see, with easy access to the variety of Arabian mammals, wild bird species and free roaming. Access to the park is by bus from the main entrance and the entire tour takes about 40 mins.
Was for the first time when I saw how the real desert looks like. It's impressive how dried is everything. For a moment, I remembered the green of my childhood's landscapes and how lucky were we, the kids of the rain.

After getting lost in the middle of the desert, we reached the Tree of Life - a 400 years old tree considered a wonder of the island - This unique tree stands alone in the desert about two kilometers from the Jebel Dukhan, without any source of water - they weren't able to explain yet how is this possible and what keeps this mesquite alive. It's tattooed all over by the people that visited it. It's indeed huge and powerful, but worth to be visited in the winter - spending 3 minutes at the tree, while traveling 40, isn't that encouraging when you have 45 degrees outside.

Had the first MC meeting with all its challenges and I freaked out when I saw my mates fighting. Was awesome, when ended up all laughing.

Adjusting

I dislike so much depending on others and it seams that Bahrain's first goal is to push me into this. I cant drive here, since our local chapter is not officially legalized yet, even though we run events that bring at one table over 150 students and 30 companies. So, no legalization, no permit staying, thus no right to get my driving license.

Welcome to AIESEC expansion countries! An useless car and an useless me. In the middle of transition, I feel powerless even to get to my own office. The people have been heavenly helpful to drive me here - there, whenever I needed: either is Coco's for lunch, Seef for shopping or to company meetings. I miss walking a lot. I sooooo much do.

La Multi Ani, mamico!

Inside And Outside

There are crossed lines and it hurts so much and makes me wonder if I am where I belong to or it's just an ambition of seeing beauty where is not. It breaks everything inside me only when I'm thinking about it and no matter what's the reason, that shouldn't be The Way.

Bahrain feels nice. I've been to Nada's graduation/ NYIT and I learnt my "graduation lesson" once again by being there with her, while giving an amazing speech in front of all those people.

NatCo made me think about my role here and about the huge responsibility that lies on my shoulders. More than this, the empty red box I received from my predecessor as a transition gift, made me more scared same as confident in the same time, of how responsible I should be in taking care of their dreams and the "unmeasurable experience that AIESEC in Bahrain is". I'm the final responsible for everything what's ahead & it is BIG.

I spent two great days in office in SWOT analysis and 2015 visions, linking dots and "aha" moments, trying to find a way out for creating the most wonderful national plan ever. I look at them sometimes, into the "stop time" mode - they talk so passionate about what they do and you can see how much it means to them. I see them striving for offering me the best environment, being careful with each detail. I don't feel pampered, but I do feel challenged and being cared of, which is a weird combination that feels awesome. I treasure with all my heart the people I'm going to work with this year.

Blind To My Emotions

Bleeding on the floor is not only part of action movies. A pill takes me nowhere, but makes my heart’s beats go crazy. I stare at my hands and I see how my veins are popping out under my skin and blood is about to burst up. A cradle of pain is wrapping my lusty body, but that’s nothing.

That’s nothing. Nothing hurts more than the wretchedness of being lousy and of doubting the one I love. How could I’ve doubted us? How could I’ve doubted you?...

The Tenth Day

It's Friday, the first day of the weekend (here), and everyone left for the island trip. I had my reasons not to go. I needed a black coffee and a moment with me alone. I'm guarding a huge room with everything a girl could wish in, with a 24/7 Internet connection, with a lovely view of the balcony, with waving curtains and big woody mirror, with bathroom for a princess and lots of dust around. I'm sitting on the floor on a big pillow after a lazzy morning of 50 pages red from Jean Sasson's book - Daughters of Arabia. This Kingdom is not mine yet and who knows if it will ever be. But this is entirely up to me. It feels like I belong to nowhere today.

Welcome To Lumi, Bahrain

Bahrain, the smallest country in the entire Arab nation is my home now. Despite the fact that it's small and borderless, it never gave me the feeling that i'm on an island. It's like a big fairy tales city with less green spots that anywhere else I've been before. It's exactly as I expected it to be: dusty, with lots of "requirements", wearing friendly, stealing from my Independence, but so much what I needed for my new shape.