Adjusting

I dislike so much depending on others and it seams that Bahrain's first goal is to push me into this. I cant drive here, since our local chapter is not officially legalized yet, even though we run events that bring at one table over 150 students and 30 companies. So, no legalization, no permit staying, thus no right to get my driving license.

Welcome to AIESEC expansion countries! An useless car and an useless me. In the middle of transition, I feel powerless even to get to my own office. The people have been heavenly helpful to drive me here - there, whenever I needed: either is Coco's for lunch, Seef for shopping or to company meetings. I miss walking a lot. I sooooo much do.

La Multi Ani, mamico!

Inside And Outside

There are crossed lines and it hurts so much and makes me wonder if I am where I belong to or it's just an ambition of seeing beauty where is not. It breaks everything inside me only when I'm thinking about it and no matter what's the reason, that shouldn't be The Way.

Bahrain feels nice. I've been to Nada's graduation/ NYIT and I learnt my "graduation lesson" once again by being there with her, while giving an amazing speech in front of all those people.

NatCo made me think about my role here and about the huge responsibility that lies on my shoulders. More than this, the empty red box I received from my predecessor as a transition gift, made me more scared same as confident in the same time, of how responsible I should be in taking care of their dreams and the "unmeasurable experience that AIESEC in Bahrain is". I'm the final responsible for everything what's ahead & it is BIG.

I spent two great days in office in SWOT analysis and 2015 visions, linking dots and "aha" moments, trying to find a way out for creating the most wonderful national plan ever. I look at them sometimes, into the "stop time" mode - they talk so passionate about what they do and you can see how much it means to them. I see them striving for offering me the best environment, being careful with each detail. I don't feel pampered, but I do feel challenged and being cared of, which is a weird combination that feels awesome. I treasure with all my heart the people I'm going to work with this year.

Blind To My Emotions

Bleeding on the floor is not only part of action movies. A pill takes me nowhere, but makes my heart’s beats go crazy. I stare at my hands and I see how my veins are popping out under my skin and blood is about to burst up. A cradle of pain is wrapping my lusty body, but that’s nothing.

That’s nothing. Nothing hurts more than the wretchedness of being lousy and of doubting the one I love. How could I’ve doubted us? How could I’ve doubted you?...

The Tenth Day

It's Friday, the first day of the weekend (here), and everyone left for the island trip. I had my reasons not to go. I needed a black coffee and a moment with me alone. I'm guarding a huge room with everything a girl could wish in, with a 24/7 Internet connection, with a lovely view of the balcony, with waving curtains and big woody mirror, with bathroom for a princess and lots of dust around. I'm sitting on the floor on a big pillow after a lazzy morning of 50 pages red from Jean Sasson's book - Daughters of Arabia. This Kingdom is not mine yet and who knows if it will ever be. But this is entirely up to me. It feels like I belong to nowhere today.

Welcome To Lumi, Bahrain

Bahrain, the smallest country in the entire Arab nation is my home now. Despite the fact that it's small and borderless, it never gave me the feeling that i'm on an island. It's like a big fairy tales city with less green spots that anywhere else I've been before. It's exactly as I expected it to be: dusty, with lots of "requirements", wearing friendly, stealing from my Independence, but so much what I needed for my new shape.

Change The Place, Stay With The People

My watch shows 49 mins after midnight. I look around. I'm in my room - two beds - one of them is empty - Sandra left. One wardrobe - almost nothing inside. All my stuff are packed in my huge red suitcase. A book that I start reading few days ago thrown on the edge of my bed. My notes, prints and some cosmetics on the table. Yellow curtains with flowers guard my glass door of my balcony. I'm the only one awake in the house.

Again I'm browsing through pictures, reading sugarcubes and laughing while remembering moments spent with my members. A mixture of everything: worries, excitement, satisfaction, sadness...

Tomorrow is the last day of me working in AIESEC Kyrgyzstan. Tomorrow is the last day to buy cucumbers from the little outdoor market near my house or ice cream from the "nice girl", as me and Sandra used to name her. Tomorrow is the last day to take 208 or 147 marshrutka and go to Djal, where our office is located. The last day to ask for Ulker biscuits at the university shop and the last day for the Turkish lady to hate me (she never gives me the change back and i'm always the one she serves the last :'). Last day to tease my 5-6 years old neighbours and wink at them while coming from the office, last day to see members all together discussing the projects, last day to say Privet to our always jiggling office fellows... Last... Last... STOP IT!

I'm looking at my suitcase - it's packed with lots of presents I have received from my friends at our last meeting. In the corner of suitcase I can see a green greeting card - "For Lumi". I smile and it feels so fine... No room for being sad. They wouldn't want me sad. It's awesome. Yes, It's damn awesome... the way it feels inside. Thank You AIESEC in Kyrgyzstan for being my "happy by choice"!

No matter how it is for me right now and if im ready or not - there is a ticket bought for my flight on 9th of June, which will take me far, far, far away from all this... It happens again - for the 4th time in my life - another page is turning on...

The Generation

Yesterday I had to re-book my ticket to Bahrain! And I never thought that so many people will be that happy about this. "I cant picture AIESEC in Kyrgyzstan without you, Lumi" has been said to me today by few of my members. I don't know how good or bad that is. All I know and I feel is that I can trust this generation blindly, even when they dont trust themselves. I believe in their untaken decisions and I picture the big steps, yet not made... Same as I was very clear with them, that I do expect things from them and I expect big ones! I do expect commitment, results and successes! I expect them to live my dream forward... to live it without my physical presence!

I had my See You party last evening - since there is no Good Bye to say. I leave a piece of me here, same as I take so many others back into my heart and this cannot be called a Good Bye. That's just a crossroad and nothing else and the roads we chose to walk on are taking each a different direction. It's a matter of time when we will meet again. That's all. And let it be like this.

I don't know how to call the beginning of this week, honestly. I lived two days as If i lived two years or au contraire - 2 seconds! So many things to finish, to say, to think about! So many thoughts abounding me from within - I know I'm ready for AIESEC in Bahrain, the same as i'm aware of things which might pout me down there, but it's nothing to shut me down completely. It's such a weird feeling, because the whole confidence I got toward my experience as MCP of AIESEC in Bahrain comes from the inner power that AIESEC in Kyrgyzstan gave me. There is a blood flooding through this AIESEC country now - AIESEC in Kyrgyzstan is alive and it's creating THE CHANGE in the individuals! It did with me!

PS. I got my VISA for Bahrain on Monday and it felt sooo good until I opened the .pdf file - 7 days! Yes, I have exactly 7 days, no more or less, for my legal staying in Bahrain! Alright, it's still fine and thanx God I got that at least - the former team was awesome to struggle with all the requirements to get it for me. Thank you, guys.

6 days left before my departure!