May 30, 2008

It's Bahrain To Me

I don’t want to forecast it, but rather to do my homework as better as possible. I am prepared for this experience and I know it will be BIG.

Oh, what’s next? What is going to happen with her there? How is she going to change?
I don’t know and I don’t want to know for now.

Made a habit lately of reading Gulf Daily News or just Bahrain Tribune, same as I try to catch up with how people live there, what’s their life about and what is to learn from. The Girl With No Face, Icon, Ammaro, LIB are one of the favorite blogs I use to stop by.

Something that made me reflect upon it:

”[..] although I'm ashamed of this since I'm a Bahraini myself, there is a degree of racial pride and nationalistic attitude among many Bahrainis, both young and old,... which is quite ironic considering that we live in a Muslim country, since the Prophet emphasized that there is no superiority of a white man over a black, nor an Arab over a non-Arab.[...]”

No clue what's my rank. But who cares?!! I know I'm going to love it.

May 28, 2008

Learning Gratitude

There are only 4 hours since I'm awake, but I have cried two times so far. Same reason - two different stories.

Story No 1. It was close to 6 AM when I reached the final page of the book I used to read for about one week (have mentioned it in one of my previous posts). It was literally one of the reasons to wake me up in the early morning (since I cant read during the night - we have about 6 hours long electricity cut-offs).

The End. I know that The End should be impressive, culminate or peaceful and calm. But this book has none of this type of endings. It just makes you realise how fragile is life and how much we should value each moment of being alive. It simply teaches you gratitude and loyalty till last breath. I won't reveal what is the whole thing about, but it's one of the books that definitely impacted me for life and made me be thankful for the people I was blessed with. The day you live is TODAY and plans turn on to be only moments when your life goes on without you, forgetting about the moment.

Story No 2. I was in 208 marshrutka on my way to office. My watch showed 8:50 AM. The sunbeams were into my eyes, while watching the people hurrying to work, school, meetings or shopping. Bishkek looks like a hist in the morning, but it's a lovely view, especially when you get a comfy seat in the back and a wide window. People look happier in the morning, the streets are clean and trees branches are still laden with sparkling dew. The views were shifting in front of my eyes like scenes in a movie with a bad producer, sometimes slower, sometimes faster.

In the multitude of colours and faces, I noticed an individual who was so normal and so different from the rest of us. Dressed appropriately for a working day, with a happy morning face which expressed a blameless peace, he was walking to the buss station. It's just that his ability to make a footstep wasn't for granted as we all got it. I knew he fought a lot for it, although he never told me. And again, I knew that I have a lot to learn from people and their inner power of facing life against its decisions. Again, I was so grateful for what I got and more awareness of how breakable is everything.

May 23, 2008

One Year in Kyrgyzstan is Gone

They say that experience is what you make out of every moment and it's up to you 100 % of how this is going to feel like, remembered at the end of your life. I will agree with that. One year in Kyrgyzstan is gone and i'm very grateful to things that happened to me. There are faces engraved in my heart till the end of my days and those who has to know it - know it. I feel that I have made a difference in these individuals and how often a person can get that?

But I haven't found what I was looking for myself, for Lumi and no one else - I haven't answered to my question. Perhaps, the shake wasn't strong enough for me to let it out and I was too lonely to some extent. Nevertheless, it was my happy-by-choice from the very beginning till the end. I don't blame the circumstances, I blame my lack of patience to fix things and till the end of the day - you never know if things require renovation or it's me going against the system and I'm just too different for the climate. Nobody told me.

For sure this year defined me, but it wasn't a so-well-known "life changing experience". Who said it should have been?! They said. Maybe I just forgot that I live on my own (almost) since I was 14. Got in my pocked the wrong expectations regarding this. I'm not waiting for a revolution anymore. Wish I was able to make this sound less awful.

What I'm going to take with me is something which I might never know how big or small it is - the difference I made into their life, if I made one. I will be waiting for their mails even if they will be writing to me or not. I will be waiting to know one day how big they grew, who they became, what are their realisations and what keeps them on going.

PS. Perhaps, the answer to my question will come later, when i'll be checking my mail.

May 22, 2008

Carte De Jour

It was 7:30 AM when my alarm clock rang. I ignored its annoying sound and continued watching outside the glass door - I was already awake. The morning light was striking gentle inside my room. Still sleepy I went to the kitchen searching for some water in the fridge - it felt as this morning is other kind of.

As I could work from home, I gave up going to office. Made my bed and instead grabbing my laptop, I went on the balcony with my Hemingway book in one hand and coffee on the other one.

For about 4 hours continuously, I have left myself being absorbed by a beautiful love story & pain happened somewhere on the Italian front, in the middle of first war.
A Farewell to Arms caught my attention to the pinnacle and until my eyes were not bushed enough, I didn't leave it aside.

"- Now you're all clean inside and out. Tell me. How many people have you ever loved?
- Nobody
- Not even me?
- Yes, you
- How many others really?
- None
- How many you - how do you say it? - stayed with?
- None
- You're lying to me
- Yes "

Perhaps, this would be the scene played behind the curtain for many of nowadays couples. Wondering how many of readers have found it similar with their life stories or... am I going to identify myself with this scene one day?!

I stopped here with my readings, and I continued relaxing my body in the comfy blue armchair, watching the green garden on the back of the building, while the wind was playing in my hair.

In the evening I went with Sandra at Nelly's invitation to the most beautiful place in Bishkek I had the chance to attend. It's called "Veranda" and I truly recommend it for everyone who is stepping in Kyrgyzstan. It's so much of a soul waving place - up on the last floor of the building with a great view of the city and its guarding mountains, with sky instead of a ceiling.
It reminded me very much of Harissa (Notre Dame Du Liban) in Beirut, where I have spent a lovely March evening with my family. I came back filled with positiveness and taste for rain. And no sleep. Happy moments are to be lived and sleeping is such a waist of time.

May 20, 2008

Counting Down

I'm not realising yet, but the girl I shared one year of my life with is going to leave in 2 days! Yes, Sandra is leaving and I feel like I still have lots of stuff to tell her and to learn from her, still have morning moods that only she will be able to understand, long chats in the night to handle, sharing washing powder thingies or just her "biting nails" session. Last Sunday she had the farewell party. Geez. Is it already gone?! Daniil, my successor from Russia, is arriving in Kyrgyzstan in 3 days! In about 10-15 days, perhaps, I will be flying to another part of the world.


May 19, 2008

Missing Moldova

Balcony is the best place to write my posts. When the sun goes down, the heating is slowly disappearing same as people around me and I stumble on offline posts collected from the world wide web, catchy articles or BBC news saved on my browser. Sometimes i just finish my day tasks, while crunching salty peanuts and listening Dave Mathews.

The nightfall is few mins away and it's the perfect moment of the day to be with myself, pondering of what's over and what's next. I discovered lately that as much as I need people around me, I need my minutes of seclusion, of isolation - to be with Lumi and no one else - to fight with myself, to argue with myself, to wonder and ponder about myself.

In my solitude I use to watch kids playing outside and try to guess what is the game... till I start missing the little Lumi playing violin; being with my mom or just the smell of her palms after the long school day; laying on the green field of grass with my sister eating dark-blue grapes. I miss my dad singing in the late Sunday afternoons. I miss doing my home works at the yellow desk. I miss the popcorn aroma in the whole house... the dusty streets of childhood, the paint smell of my classroom in the early days of September, the black colour on my hands after eating fresh nuts for hours with my friends, the late hours in the night of learning by heart long Russian poems, the summer days when water melon was the only food of the day... ah, yes... the cherry tree in which i used to climb to watch the sunset.

Ah, how much I miss Moldova - the best place in the world for my childhood!

Buna seara si m-as duce,
Nu ma-ndur de vorba dulce.
Buna seara si-as pleca,
Nu ma-ndur de dumneata.

I can feel a change in me... and for the first time, i dont know if it's good or bad or it's just called life. Maybe it's just as it was meant to be.
I'm 23 and I grown up.

May 17, 2008

Two Weeks Before Departure

It's raining over Kyrgyzstan... I'm fitting cozy in my comfortable bed, browsing through my pictures taken here, on the land of Celestial Mountains... one year is almost gone... I took from here as much as I left, perhaps and I dont regret one moment spent with these people. They are my friends and they are the ones which I needed to understand myself better. They are the ones who didn't change me to the core, but define it.
I'm 23 and i'm happy.

May 12, 2008

Another Moment

Ti-am vazut poza pe desktopul meu, ascultand Ducu Berti... Mi-am gasit papucii neincaltati si mana pe clanta usii... m-am intors si am sters intreaga suita de cantece din playlist, m-am tintuit inca o data in pat, ca intr-o camasa de forta.
Ce dor imi e de tine, acuma tarziu,
Nu pot sa zbor, nu pot sa mor...

Multumesc Doamne, am mai rezistat si de data asta. Si de data asta...
Ah, cafeaua, alunele si ploaia... ziduri in visuri... Si acum, ce mai pot sa iti iau?

PS. Havent been to Opera or anywhere else in this weekend. What sense will it make? Tones of tasks to handle for the next week, but that's why I have the best job in the world...

May 10, 2008

Soul Wandering

It was 6:20 AM when my alarm clock rang. "Yey, the interviews...". I jumped from the bed, put my slippers on and ran to the bath. Nothing in the fridge, but this isn't a problem anymore. I started eating whatever I find, whenever I remember that I have to, so the two sugar cubes tea was just fine. The cloudy sky view from the window and the hot tea calmed me down after the tumultuous night. But khalas, the lesson is learnt and the life goes on. Shouldn't have blessed the day before the sunset.

Before my watch showed 9 AM I was already in the AIESEC office, where members were waiting for me. My heart got filled with patience, kindness and awesome... and I forget the bads'. They teach me principles and values by their behaviours and attitude. And I truly believe that AIESEC in KG got in this generation some people that will write history! They got it.

It's almost 5 PM and i'm still in the office, tired and satisfied, waiting for the lazy Sunday. Going to opera tomorrow is in my plan for the weekend. Let's see if I make it happen since I said this to myself two months ago.

I'm not going anywhere, because I still have 4 minutes to save my world.

May 08, 2008

It Just Feels So

Is this love when you are protecting your beloved one from potential sins that he/she might commit? Or rather is lack of trust because you really cant believe that he/she is able to stick to a basic value for an individual - integrity? Then what's the point to be with someone you permanently track, who, from your point of you, lacks the basic of a human being? Wasn't easier if you would get a dog, a gun and an uniform? At least you will give some peace to your heart.
For me it seams like a communistic way of pouting words in a sentence, but love dont judges and love forgives... blindly, blindly, blindly...

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
(1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

May 07, 2008

Freedom Of Choice vs ... Should it be a "vs"?

I remembered them twice in the same week. And today again... her "I lost my freedom" and his "you will understand latter, not now; you will remember my words and you will know what I meant". But love dont judges and love forgives... blindly, blindly, blindly... and you stick to each other, no matter what. I remember Asel's value spoken loud during Rise UP session, I remember the lines from Covey's book, the non-sense history classes where teacher was so abrasively talking about...
Freedom of choice is the game a monster always beat me in, because love dont judges and love forgives... blindly, blindly, blindy...